Grand Families 👩👩👧👧
The number of grandparents raising their grandchild or grandchildren is astonishing. Just in Texas alone 266,337 grandparents are responsible for their grandchildren according to the U S Census Bureau. Also in Texas there are 892,721 children living in a household where a relative is head of household. 286,000 children are being raised by kin with no parent in the home and 11,303 children in foster care are being raised by kin. For every 1 child being raised by kin in foster care, there are 24 being raised by kin outside of foster care.
I missed you guys last week, as I didn’t post a blog because I was dealing with a situation that could some day put me in a category with the aforementioned group of people. I only have one biological daughter, but my partner has 3 adult children and one of them has 3 and 1 year old daughters. A couple of weeks ago after one too many situations where the children were found in less than desirable circumstances, my girlfriend (their paternal grandmother) removed them from that environment and brought them to our home. The children, simply put, were neglected. They weren’t clean, they were hungry and were pretty much left to fend for themselves although both parents were present.
I don’t know about you, but when your children are adults and start having children you would hope they are prepared and able to care for them. If for some reason they are not fully equipped or willing to do so, as a loving grandparent you have to step in. Although, you vowed to yourself and others “I’ve raised my children and now I’m going to live my life”. However, being thrust into a situation where your grandchildren are in harms way you step up and do what needs to be done.
Grandparents who are becoming the parent to their grandchildren are presented with many challenges. One huge one in this case is the parents, who are both involved in various substance abuse scenarios, not owning their behavior and as a result being ill equipped to handle the responsibilities of parenting. Unfortunately, the option of getting Child Protective Services may become your only solution to ensure the children’s safety. They deserve someone to advocate for them. Let me pause here and say their paternal grandmother DID NOT contact CPS, someone else did. The parents may not agree, but when it comes to the well being of everyone involved it may be your only option. If the children are undergoing abuse or neglect someone has to make a decision. Sometimes, certainly in this case, the parents are not capable of making such decisions.
Grandparents raising grandchildren can not only be challenging but rewarding all at the same time. You have these lil ones that are looking for you to care for them. You’ve done this before, so you rely on your wisdom to guide you as you began providing a safe, loving environment for them. This transition in environments has to be confusing for the child, so you may have to reach out for guidance as you work through the many traumas the children may have experienced prior to coming into your care. The reward is the bond in the relationship you are building. Seeing them thrive and smile makes your heart glad. Once you start taking on day to day responsibilities for them it kinda begins to roll back your years making you feel young again and gives you immense satisfaction knowing they are well cared for and safe.
While you are working through the challenges with the children themselves, dealing with the parents present an entirely different set of problems. Especially in our case where the parents are not currently fit to parent, but swear they love and miss their children. This is where I’m confused, but I won’t even go down that rabbit hole. At the end of the day, because we live in a society and age of technology where Google is ever present, you’ve got to do your research. Get help with how to navigate the parent/child relationship as you’ve taken on the role of caring for your grandchildren. Forge relationships with parents who have the same age children or other grandparents who have raised or are raising their grandchildren. Support is key! Also, don’t forget what you need. Take care of yourself. If you’re healthy, your grandchildren will be too. Get enough rest, which is so hard at first, exercise and eat healthy. Make sure you set aside “me time” to replenish and refill your own cup.
On this #FaceitFridayswithDalya I challenge you to be vigilant about the children in your families that may not be living in the best conditions at home. If you see something, say something. Don’t allow a child on your watch to be abused or neglected and turn a blind eye to it. It is your business! As much as my girlfriend and I love to travel and enjoy our peaceful home, we could not sit by and allow her grandchildren to go from pillar to post without a decent place to sleep, go hungry or be dirty and we not do something. Unfortunately, we have no right to keep them without their parents consent, but as long as we can we will care for them and ensure their safety.
Part of #NormalizingHardConversations is confronting the staggering statistics that is steadily growing of grandparents becoming the sole provider of their grandchildren. Confront how, you might ask? Just as I mentioned before, if you see something, say something. Let your adult children know you are there for them if they are willing to get help. If they are not willing, set healthy boundaries and do everything you can to make sure the children are safe.
I’m not really trying to raise any babies at 56 years old, but what I will not do is see any child suffering, being abused or neglected and not be their advocate. They deserve better.
If anything here resonates with you please leave a comment. If you are a grandparent who is raising or has raised your grandchildren lend some advise here. We would all definitely appreciate any help. Although we’ve raised children before, this is very different and I mean VERY🤣.
Thanks for stopping by! Have an amazing weekend!
Doing all things well,
Dalya
#FaceitFridayswithDalya
#NormalizingHardConversations
