Actually this may take more than just a minute, because this topic is literally one that requires a lot of words if we are to be successful!

C O M M U N I C A T I O N!!!

Last week on #FaceitFridayswithDalya we touched on communication with “Our Adult Children”. This week I’d like to dive into that a little deeper because it is definitely a tool that we need to use strategically and often. Starting when our children are very young is where the work begins. Our children and grandchildren in some cases, are inundated with technology through handheld devices and television. I mean they are always on them at dinner, at home, at school and even in the car. I’ve even seen children in strollers and baby car seats with some type of phone, pad or tablet in front of them. In most situations they didn’t go and get these items, they were given to the child by the adult or person that is caring for them. Replacing these devices with human interaction is so very important at this age. Teaching our children how to communicate at an early age is beneficial to the parent and the child. You can learn so much from your children by engaging in great, age appropriate conversations with them throughout their various stages in life.

I will be the first to admit I failed in this area many times and if I’m honest, to this day I have to be intentional about my screen time so that I can be present with whoever I am spending time with. Being a single parent, it was just easier to hand my daughter a device while I cooked, cleaned or just enjoyed a cup of coffee. It became so easy that when I wasn’t doing any of those things I still chose many times to give her something to do rather than talk to her and build a relationship with her simply by communicating. When I think about that now, it’s certainly one of the things I’m not very proud of and wish I had the opportunity to do over again. Rather than focusing on that now, I’m excited I get to talk to my adult daughter often and encourage a young mother or father to talk to your little humans. You want them to enjoy being with you and talking to you as much or more than they do these devices that have been our go to’s for a few decades now.

How many of you know your child’s or parent’s , friend’s , or partner’s favorite color, food, book, story, movie, celebrity, pet peeve, hobby etc. The  best way to find any of this information from them is through meaningful dialogue. Ask them! You may have observed a few of these things, but there’s nothing like asking them and letting them know you are interested in who they really are. Even if you never did this when you were a child, start now!

I recently listened to a podcast and during the interview they talked about conversation starter cards they purchased on Amazon. I thought, how cool is that? Something I wished I was aware of when my daughter was younger. I purchased a set called “Table Topics”. Some of the questions are “What memory do you cherish? Which song makes you dance no matter what? If you could repeat any year of your life, which would you choose? Would you rather go to a big party or sit at home with a book?” I absolutely love all these questions, they are definitely great conversation starters. You can use them to spark conversations at dinner, at a family gathering with other relatives, as an icebreaker in a business meeting and anywhere else you may be with a group of people or with your favorite person.

Real communication can be hard. It’s not easy to have conversations with one another, especially if the topics are something you are not comfortable discussing. Although hard, it’s necessary. Let’s pivot from communicating with our children and some of our other favorite people to some of the other adults in our lives.

One of the hardest conversations we may face as adults is setting boundaries and expectations. Since we’re #NormalizingHardConversations I’m just going to jump right in. As adults we may have endured trauma as a child or as a young adult that we yet to have the language or emotional bandwidth to address, even if it happened years ago. Child abuse, neglect, molestation or other sexual abuse, emotional or verbal abuse, rape, and the impact all of this has played on our mental health. These are just a few traumatic experiences that are still to this very day really hard to discuss. I believe shame is the reason why we just don’t talk about any of it. To be free of the shame and maybe even guilt I hope we can all find ways to confront the trauma, set some boundaries and make your expectations known. Living a peaceful life free of these feelings can keep you from developing mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. Get some professional assistance to help you navigate through all the feels and find your voice. Your path to Wellness depends on it.

It would take more time than we have here to dig into all the scenarios that have contributed to where many of us are mentally and emotionally today. My hope is that we realize just how important communication is and what an intricate part it plays in how we develop as adults. Having real conversations and building relationships at a very early age is one of the best ways to become healthy, loving, compassionate and productive members of society.

Talk to your children. I mean make eye contact and get to know them and allow them to get to know you. Ask questions and answer questions. One thing I talked about in my last blog (go back and read “Our Adult Children”) was how conversations with our adult children can be more vulnerable and transparent. Take advantage of being able to talk without any inhibitions. You are an adult, like grown grown! Don’t be afraid to have adult conversations. Make communication a priority in every relationship you have.

Thank you for joining me today. My prayer is that you talk to each other. Communicate on a different level than you ever have. There’s always time to course correct. Dig deeper into the lives of the people you surround yourself with. Be loving. Be present. Be kind. Be firm. Set boundaries and expectations. Live in peace. Eat and Live Well.

#FaceitFridayswithDalya

#NormalizingHardConversations

#EatingandLivingWellWithDalya

Doing all things well,

Dalya