So much has transpired over the last several months as it relates to suicide. The stigma surrounding Mental Health has left many of us grappling with our own ability to handle trauma past and present. Although May is Mental Health Awareness Month, it is a topic that we simply can’t afford not to revisit every month of the year. Checking in on ourselves and our loved ones regularly should be the norm. When we prioritize our Mental Health we give ourselves and others permission to live free of the stereotypes our society places on those of us who struggle with our Mental Health. Allowing one to face it and name it liberates us.

I say “us” because I have and still do to this day suffer from depression and anxiety. Woosah! That actually felt so good to say out loud. For years I’ve watched folks from afar deal with their mental health challenges and I would say to myself, “I’m good”. I’m unbothered and some of the things that most would consider traumatic that has happened in my life didn’t affect me. I considered my self the strong one. I was so wrong! Once I came to terms with just how my own trauma literally has everything to do with how I move in the world today, I found the courage to step back, access and get help. I realized I couldn’t change anything unless I was willing first to confront it. My sanity depended on me doing the work.

Mental illnesses, as defined by the American Psychiatric Association, are health conditions involving changes in emotion, thinking or behavior (or a combination of these). Mental illnesses are associated with distress and or problems functioning in social, work or family activities. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a medical problem, just like heart disease or diabetes. Many of us have never thought of Mental Illness in this way. It is why we are hesitant to seek professional help until it’s too late.

In order to began to understand where we are emotionally or mentally we should take a look at our ACE’s. ACE is an acronym for Adverse Childhood Experiences. They are stressful events occurring in childhood including:

• Domestic Violence

• Parental abandonment through separation or divorce

• A parent with a mental health condition

• Being a victim of abuse (physical, sexual and or emotional)

• A member of the household being in prison

• Growing up in a household in which there are adults experiencing alcohol and drug use problems.

As we explore these Adverse Childhood Experiences, there may be at least one or a few of them that we can identify with. The root cause of a range of health conditions in Adulthood can be traced back to our ACE. Surveys have shown that those with 4 or more ACEs are more likely to have diseases like diabetes, heart disease and exhibit behaviors like drug use and alcoholism. Looking at this list of experiences, it would be very difficult to not consider Mental Illness as one of the unfortunate by products of having any of these adverse experiences while growing up. Being courageous enough to acknowledge that any of this took place in our families will help us identify where we are mentally and the steps we need to take to get help. With this knowledge we can parent differently and engage with others in a way that is more sensitive to the needs of the individuals we encounter  on our jobs, in our families and our communities.

The recent suicides that we’ve seen in the news have ranged from a 76 year old celebrity to a 19 year old college freshman. Both succumbed to the horrible, devastating blow of Mental Illness. Their lives reminded me not just how precious life is, but how valuable our mind and emotional health is.  Maybe their ACE Score was high, meaning they experienced 4 or more of the stressful events mentioned above. If we stop and consider that any of these experiences shaped who the 76 or 19 year old would become, how could we have helped them? What can we do now in our own families to give space to our loved ones who have experienced trauma? More than that, what can we do for ourselves? I believe it starts with acknowleding IT happened. Whatever that IT is for you. Say it out loud. Declare that IT does not define you. Get the professional help you need to navigate through what it has all meant to who you have become and the damage it may have caused you. Healing is possible! Allow what was meant to destroy you to make you better and to bring you to a place of Wellness.

In the note the 19 year old young lady left before taking her own life, I was astounded to read how sound her thought process appeared to be. One thing she said was “To the people in my life I pray you learn to vocalize your feelings and get help always!!! I failed at that and I’m afraid it’s too late”. Then she goes on to thank her MOM. The entire letter was absolutely heartbreaking.  The 76 year old celebrity commited suicide one day before she was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. Her daughter was there with her and stepped outside to let a visitor in, only to come back in and find her mother deceased. How quick the mind can shift from being fully engaged and seemingly strong and aware to this vulnerable state of decline.

These stories are just two of thousands that happen in many families across this country.

Take care of yourself. Get the help you need to navigate through the trauma that you may have experienced as early as childhood. Be there for your children. Be present and make sure they are being present too. Check on your friends and family. Some things you may not be aware of but if you see something, say something. Pay attention to changes in behavior and don’t overlook someone not being themselves. Ask questions and get answers to the ones you may be asking yourselves. Have the hard conversations and create safe spaces for them to take place. Acknowledge the trauma you have experienced. Rather it was in your childhood or since you have become an adult. Be courageous and reach out for help.Utilize the resources that are available to you. Talk to someone you trust.  We shall live and not die!

Check out Nami.org. The National Alliance  on Mental Illness for some amazing resources on Mental Health Education.

If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or in a suicidal crises call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1800 273-TALK

Doing all things well,

Dalya

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