Proud Parent
Last week on #FaceitFridayswithDalya we talked about “Where is the Love” (go back and check it out)to kickoff Pride Month 🌈
I received some text messages and DM’s, that were all positive, thanking me for the post. A few of my friends were courageous enough to share in the comments and this week, with her permission, I want to highlight one of them. I want to dive just a bit into the relationships that parents have with their children that identify as LGBTQ+, but first I’ll share Ila’s comment:
“First I want to thank you Dalya for sharing this platform. I just want to share a tidbit of my story. I'm a black Christian mom who son is gay. He came out to me at 14 years old, and is now 20. The reason why I'm making a point of being a Christian, then mentioning that I'm black. So the journey was hard. The Christians in my family sent me to hell. They felt that since I was supporting him, I was going to hell. The black people would tell me not to talk about it because that's what we do. Not talk about it. Or tell me it's his choice and I not let him be "that" in my house. My son told me that he would have never chosen to be gay. He wanted to be normal. I told him that he was normal and to never let anyone tell him different. My main focus was to protect my baby boy at all cost. I never once questioned God. I always felt that God placed him with me because He knows my heart and that I would take care of him. God knew that I wouldn't throw him out to the streets. God knew that I would love him unconditionally. God knew that I would fight for his right to be here. So I ignored everyone who didn't understand our life. I can't even tell you how many people I had to tell off due to the words they used regarding my son. I put him in counseling through LA LGBTQIA Youth group. Mainly because I wanted him to understand his new found freedom and how to live healthy and happily. Now that he's 20, I'm so proud of his confidence and he's not afraid to live out loud. He's living his best life, and that makes my heart happy. My advice to parents of LGBTQIA, be an advocate for your child, reach out for help, and just show as much love as you can give. Teach your child to hold their head up, and be proud of whom they are. For my Christian parents, remember that God doesn't make any mistakes, and He will guide you. Most of all, you're not going to hell for supporting your child.
Happy Pride..🌈🌈”
Ila warmed my heart. No one, but the child who has experienced it, will ever know the anguish in sharing your identity with your family and friends, especially your parents. I know very grown, old enough to be grandparents grown, folks who are afraid to share with their own parents that they are gay. They have a wonderful relationship, yet that topic for most is off the table. Ila’s son who was just 14 when he came out to his mom, displayed courage that is just unheard of even in people who are two or even three times his age. It says a lot about his parents who were welcoming and non judgmental not just in their home, but with other family members, on their jobs and in their communities. Children watch you and they are taking mental notes of how you treat people. Rather you agree with someone’s lifestyle or not does not excuse you from showing them love, compassion, and respect.
Ila is a proud parent! Proud of her son’s freedom to be who he is and proud that he thought enough of their relationship to have that hard conversation at 14 years old.
Parents, love your children. No matter how they identify. This should go without saying, but you’d be surprised at just how many parents reject, cease to support and give up on their children when they feel they are not who they should be. Keep an open line of communication with them, so that when they really need you they can come to you in confidence knowing you have their back no matter what.
There is a reason that a person in their 30’s, 40’s or 50’s are afraid to share their sexuality with people who are close to them. Don’t be that reason! Not just the fear of being judged or accepted, but of being loved unconditionally. We all need love. The world needs it. It’s how we thrive. Living your truth is liberating. The opposite is true when you have to hide who you are.
Ila, thank you for sharing your story. I pray a parent or even a child who reads it finds the strength to live free. Free of rejection and shame. Free of peoples opinions. I pray that parents everywhere will create safe spaces for their children that will allow them to share whatever is going on in their lives. Their sexuality is just part of who they are.
Thank you all for stopping by! Feel free to leave a comment if something in this piece resonated with you.
Let’s continue #NormalizingHardConversations . We owe it to ourselves and our children to have meaningful dialogue that changes the way we move in the world. Leaving a legacy of healing and wellness.
I love y’all! 🤎
Happy LGBTQ+ Pride Month 🏳️🌈
#FaceitFridayswithDalya
#NormalizingHardConversations
Doing all things well,
Dalya
